Oh, man.

You guys, Ansley and Morgan, make me want to cry.

I'm sorry to both of you, I want you both to know that I love you both dearly, and the people who have treated you like crap need to get a taste of their own medicine sometime soon.


Anyways, its really weird how many things can change in the span of a year. 365 days turns out to be a really long time, that flys by very quickly.
Since the beginning of my junior year....

I started "talking" to Corey Costa. I really liked him, A LOT, which is just dumb in general, as anyone who has met him knows. But, he's charming. I can give him that. He made me feel special when he talked to me and I thought he really liked me....until he met my best friend, my beautiful, fun, flirty, skinny best friend. He went for her. I liked him the entire time they went out. I also started liking Zach, but there was still feelings for Corey. Corey and Kimberly broke up, and then shortly after I started dating Zach. Zach and I dated off and on from October 2008- December/Januaryish 2009. Pretty much the entire time Corey would go behind Zach's back trying to get with me. One time I actually broke up with Zach because I liked Corey and I felt BAD, and I COULDN'T DO THAT TO ZACH. I couldn't bear liking both of them without Zach knowing, I didn't think it was fair to him.

Then, towards the end of my junior year I started liking Steven. Steven had wanted to date me earlier in the year, but I was more into Zach and didn't. Steven went for my best friend, my beautiful best friend. The one person who I will never be able to compare to. There will never be a boy who will ever like me and not like her, or who wont want to be with her more. I started hating Steven. When he dated my best friend, my friendship with her was at its worst. Shes still not over him.

Since band camp 2009: I started "talking" to Zach again. Its like I never really got over him, just put him in a place in my heart and in my brain that i refused to visit. But then I returned to that place when we started talking. What happened? He led me on. He told Chrystall that he thought he LOVED Katie Mcgee. But yet he was talking to me. Yet another girl I won't ever be able to compare to, never be able to look as cute as, or be as funny or flirty as. But for some reason, I told myself that I could outshine her, that I could make him see that I was better, even though I didn't believe it myself.
Then, as I'm still talking to him, I find out he is also talking to Kristin Carter, who is a friend of mine. He would tell me he missed kissing me, that he just wanted to be with me and all of this stuff, but then told her he had no intention of dating me....which he did not tell me.
Right now I'm really broken about this. I ended up not talking to him at all for a week or two, and only just started talking to him this past week. I constantly feel like I'm going to throw up, especially when someone mentions him or when I think too much about him. I also cry far too much now because of him. He was supposed to be different. He was supposed to be one of the good guys.

I can't listen to "My Heart" by Paramore, because it was our song, which now always comes onto shuffle. I can't think about him at school, or I will look too sad or cry or throw up. I can't talk to him or about him with anyone. I hate looking or talking to Katie Mcgee now because I'm talking to everything I'll never be, and I hate that I can see exactly why he would like her more than me. I can't trust him, and I don't trust much of anyone now. I try to, because I want to trust people. Normally I trust absolutely EVERYONE.

Now I don't even tell my best friend anything. I don't tell anything to anyone really, and I used to tell everything to everyone.