Friday, September 18, 2009

I HATE HIM

I HATE HOW HE MAKES ME FEEL.
I HATE HOW I'M ALWAYS THROWING UP BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL.
I HATE THAT I'M EATING MORE BECAUSE IM STRESSED, AND THEN I LOOK AT MYSELF AND HATE MYSELF FOR HOW I LOOK, BUT KEEP EATING.
I HATE THAT PEOPLE KEEP COMING TO ME TO TELL ME THINGS ABOUT HIM.
BAD THINGS, THINGS THAT MAKE ME JUST WANT TO DIE.

I HATE THAT EVERYTIME I'M FINALLY OKAY FOR HALF A SECOND SOMETHING HAPPENS. SOMEONE TELLS ME SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. OR I THINK ABOUT SOMETHING HE IS DOING, OR HAS DONE TO HURT ME.

I HATE HOW MUCH IVE BEEN CRYING.
I HATE HOW HE DOESN'T CARE AT ALL THAT I FEEL THIS WAY. I HATE THAT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS HOW UPSET I AM, EXCEPT HIM. OR IF HE DOES KNOW, HE JUST DOESNT GIVE A CRAP AT ALL.

i hate how no matter what, i keep wanting to defend him. i want to stand up for him and say no, he's not an asshole. he's the best guy i know.


i hate how that used to be the truth but now is the farthest thing from the truth.


Excuse me while I throw up, again.
D:

2 comments:

Ansley said...

You know what I hate?
This.
I hate that you are going through this, Kate. And I have no idea how to help you. I'm praying and that's the only thing I know how to do.
I'm constantly praying for you, love.
I love you.

morganlindsey said...

I just got out of that sort of situation. and it sucks big huge hairy moldy monkey balls.
And noone likes those kinds of balls.

But, I DO like you, Kate.

So if you want advice or to talk, I'm here.
But sometimes talking makes things worse so I won't be mad if you don't want to talk either.


I love you.